What Am I Doing Here?


Over the last year, I found myself asking these same three questions: “what am I doing here?”, “how did I get here?”, and “where am I going?”. So for my very first blog post, I have decided to share with the world what it is I am doing here, on the internet, typing away on a blog (something I have never done before), how I got to this point in my life, and where I want all of this to go,  including what I promise to provide my readers from here on out, and how I can help you all find what it is you may be looking for too. So, let’s begin…

What am I doing here?

Something that initially drove me to embark on this great new adventure was my passion of literature and my desire to be a writer. For years, writing has always been my go-to. When I was sad or angry, feeling alone in the world, I always found myself going back to pen and paper. Writing down the words that ran quickly through my mind. Many times those words worked themselves out into poems and short stories; other times they just became scrambled words on the page, making no sense but having all the meaning in the world.

This is what I am doing here. I am manifesting what it is I want to become: a writer, a creator of words, and a sharer of thoughts to heal. I am a being that embodies not just what this universe has in store for me, but one who can strengthen where someone else falls short. Whether that means I write a review for a product you just came out with, or I’m helping someone write down who they are in a dating profile in hopes they can find love (and yes, I have done this before!). And some days I will write just to write, because the words racing around in my mind are just too great to be held in.

How did I get here?

This question always leaves me wondering: where do I begin? So, for purposes of not creating an autobiography in my first blog post, I’ll start at a pivotal moment in my life; a time where I was lost and was in desperate need of guidance, back two years ago, the summer of 2015.

That year I truly was all about self-discovery; what was my purpose on this Earth and how could I bring forth my potential? In short, I was searching to answer the question: who am I really? That was the year I was really getting into learning about traditional Tibetan Buddhism, practicing mindful meditation and of course, yoga. So that May, and with the help of my mom, I signed up for my very first yoga and meditation retreat, to be held at one of the most beautiful locations in the country, high up in the rocky mountains at the Shambhala Mountain Center.

the stupa.jpg

The Great Stupa of Dharmakaya, nestled in the grounds at SMC at Red Feather Lakes, Colorado. (click here for photo credit)

I chose a to partake in an all woman’s retreat program, feeling that the only way I could connect with my true inner self, was to connect with other women. This was a road I was not too familiar with, for all my life finding strong relationships with other ladies has always been difficult for me. The program was for six days and five nights, and I had opted to camp out in a tent on the property. I arrived the night before day one, said goodbye to my mom and four-year-old daughter, and was left there alone, cut off from the world I had known so much about. The morning of day one, I woke up just before sunrise and hiked up to the very top of the tallest mountain that surrounded the property, and I sat there, watching the pristine nature waking up under the morning sun, and I was ready to bring on a new world.


A picture of me taken by some other hikers, that very first morning before my retreat really began, just after sunrise.

There are truly so many amazing things I can write about this trip, but I will stick to the most important part of it, the part that got me here, writing this page. It was during this adventure that I was finally able to open up and be true to myself. It was then that I realized I am not just a leader, but I am a natural born healer. What I was truly meant to do in this world is to help others heal from their pain, both physical and emotional, the traumas they have gone through, and the experiences they can learn from and let go of to grow into their best beings. This is how Bella Gaia Healthy Living got started.

I let go of fear at this retreat. The fear that was holding me back and keeping me confused and stuck in a world I was not happy in. Once I allowed myself to let go of that fear, I was able to see my true inner light. I was able to see in myself that I really was a “Beautiful Earth Goddess” (Bella Gaia), and I can share my spirit with others to help them get through the trials and tribulations that surround us all.

Where am I going?

Now that I have started my website, Bella Gaia Healthy Living, and I have teamed up with the wonderful women trio of Dynamic Roots, and I have embarked on becoming a doTERRA Wellness Advocate, the sky is my limit and the world is my oyster; there is nothing but mountains from here on out to climb and surpass.

My next big adventure is to accomplish my yoga teacher certification so that I can lead retreats, meditation, and yoga sessions much like the one that inspired me to travel down this path two years ago. After that, it’s off to Chinese medicine school where I plan to dive even deeper into the world of holistic healing and herbs.

My promise to you, my readers, is to provide you with all the information that will help guide you to living a better, healthier life. One that is wholesome and natural, so that when you are faced with your hard times you can come out of it a better person and not stuck in the present, held prisoner by your past. Progression is growth. When you make the choice to subscribe to my website, you will be given the opportunity to learn something new about a healthy lifestyle everyday, information that can be shared with others.

I hope you enjoyed this read and I look forward to sharing with you my adventures moving forward.

“Do not dwell in the past. Do not dream of the future. Concentrate the mind on the present moment.” ~ Siddartha Gautama, the Buddha


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One Response to What Am I Doing Here?

  1. CM says:

    Love your journey. I know you’re on the right path. So glad you let go of the fear and are moving forward inspite of it.


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